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People say the funniest things about Newfoundland dogs and their special attributes. If you go on the internet and register with Newf Net Forums you will encounter much humour. Following are some examples.

THREAD: The Power of Newf Slobber

Went up North to visit with a breeder and got to witness the full power of Newf drool. I was wearing a raincoat, and a high necked sweater with a tank top underneath.

After about an hour in Newf heaven, we de-fuzz and de-goober ourselves and head back down to Seattle. It was only when I got home and changed that I realized somehow, someone had managed to get slobber past my sweater and onto my tank top (keep in mind the sweater was fully covering the area of tank top that had been goobered).

I am impressed.

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Slobber has magic properties! Don’t let anyone tell you differently. It can drive away any evil wrongdoers, and attracts only the most loving and kind people.

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Slobber Slobber everywhere, even in yer underwear.

THREAD: Watch out! Newfs are evil…

Before Thor, I use to HATE the hair and would just about gag when my husband’s dog Bear’s hair would end up in my plate. Yeah, I got over that very quickly and now I laugh because we even find Thor hair in our plates when we go out to eat because it falls off our clothes. These dogs won me over very fast.

THREAD: The dangers of frostbite and intact males

I just wanted to post my experience because I never would have thought about this; maybe it will help someone else…

Our Hank is just under two years old. We’ve been waiting and waiting to neuter him until he was older because from all that we’ve researched about Newfoundlands, that’s the best practice. However, the one thing that never occurred to us was that his testicles were completely exposed to the severe temperatures. I always assumed as long as HE was happy to be outside in the snow and cold, it was fine. i took him into the vet who confirmed it was frostbite and it is very common for intact males (in Alaska anyway). It two rounds of antibiotics and very limited time outdoors for him to be healed completely. We have since nurtured him, eliminating additional frostbite risk.

I am sharing this story because I was just so sad for my dog and wished I would have known to even be aware of it. That’s the end of my friendly service announcement.

THREAD: New(f) Construction

I got divorced earlier this year and have been in the process of buying a house for a few months. I finally settled on a tear-down/rebuild project.

Here are the things I’ve had the builder change because of my dogs:

  • Fence the whole yard, not a postage stamp size potty pad.
  • Light fixtures had shades on them. I’m sorry, have you SEEN the way Newf hair accumulates on a lamp shade?
  • Paint needs a glossier finish. Why? I have to be able to wash the drool off it…
  • Back stairs need to be wider. My two knuckleheads like to go up and down at the same time!
  • Harder floors. Impenetrable, preferably. Should have just had them leave the concrete

And the last change that has cemented my rep as crazy dog lady? The master bathroom door needs to swing out not in. It was blocking the bathtub and if River can’t guard my bath time she would just break down the door anyway!

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Hugo, RIP, used to sleep in the bathroom and would deliberately shut himself in there to concentrate the air conditioning in that small room. Then he would position himself against the door to stop the cool air from leaking underneath it.

To his credit, I always thought it was pretty smart of him to figure all that out. But have you ever tried to open a door in a bathroom emergency while a Newf was leaning against it on the other side?

THREAD: Anyone else having issues with Daylight Saving Time?

Y’all, Elvis Dog is NOT a fan of DST. Let me tell you that hell hath no fury like Elvis when his breakfast is an hour late! He pitched one heck of a fit yesterday morning and was really grumpy in the evening. We just stuck to our routine where we eat dinner, he goes for a walk, then he eats dinner, but as soon as it starts to get dark, he starts getting rumbly.

It’s kind of funny, actually. He’ll glare at us out of the corner of his eye, start to sigh, and if we still don’t get the hint, he starts to grumble and eventually bark. Tonight we were cleaning up from dinner and he decided to take it upon himself to stop his growling tummy – he stole the pot roast remains from the trash can! He has never, EVER raided a trash can in his life!!

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Turner woke me up at 5 am Sunday he is not convinced DST is real.

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The 5 am potty run is now at 4 am and the 6 am breakfast is now at 5 am. Today I made it to 5:30 so trying to reset the “tummy clocks”.

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Tink doesn’t mind DST in the spring – woo hoo, breakfast and dinner one hour early. But we, too, are getting a lot of Chewbacca vocalisms, dumpster diving and all around complaints from the delay in chow time. Funny to see how many Newfs have tummy clocks as well.

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I think I am stuck with 5am breakfast for the next 6 months! Hard to ignore three 120+lb dogs.

THREAD: Heard on a walk

Last night we were taking Elvis for his evening drag down the road and passed a family going the opposite way. They had a little boy with them who was about three years old. The boy is looking at Elvis as we go by but doesn’t seem interested in petting him so we wave hi and keep walking.

All of a sudden we hear the boy yell “Oh no! Mom! That dog did NOT have any eyes! No eyes!!”

His mom, without even skipping a beat, says “He did too have eyes. You think he got that big if he couldn’t see his dinner every night?”

THREAD: Things you thought you would never do

I never thought I’d be choosing to live in a (significantly) crappier town than I lived in before, simply because I couldn’t find a home to rent that would take my 130 pound dog.

I never thought that I would spend more money on a dog than I would myself.

I never thought that I would throw a birthday party FOR A DOG.

I never thought that I’d use more baby wipes on a dog than I did on my actual baby.

I never thought that my three year old son would let me sleep in later than my dog would.

I never thought… I would vacuum my house every other day… every day when my OCD kicks in.

I never thought… an SUV or Mini Van are my ONLY options for vehicles.

THREAD: Yet another Newf expense

Ok we’ve all compared notes on the expenses of Newf ownership…are we ready for the plumber???

My kitchen drain was stopped up and we ran a small snake down it which seemed to work…for a day or so. Then it got worse. Dave followed pipes all over the place and decided it was the main drain going out to the septic so I called a plumber.

  1. He ran his rotorooter down the kitchen drain and came up with a foot long rope of black hair. No surprise there.
  2. He went to the basement and went through everything. The guy was immaculately clean when he arrived. When he came back upstairs he was covered with reddish brown muck….we have red sandy dirt here. It was mixed with dog hair and had a strange consistency. He said he’d never seen anything like it. I did not have the nerve to tell him it was most likely dog drool from every time I emptied their water bowls down the drain when they needed fresh water. I think I got off cheap for $195.00

Now I throw the water out into the woods, wash the bowls, throw that outside and then put fresh water in. Lesson learned.

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Been there done that. About five years ago I had, um, stuff backing up in the drain in the garage. Drain guys put the snake down almost all the way to the street and pulled out a huge glob of dog hair and what looked like grease.

Hair traps now are on every drain in the house. And the one in the garage, too. $195.00 sounds about right. I think I paid $120 five years ago.

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OHHHHHHH dear, I am having a problem with my upstairs sink. I am kind of nursing it along. OOOO boy, I am not having good feelings about this!

THREAD: How would you respond: Is that a dry-mouth Newfoundland?

This is my dry-mouthed Newfie; she came from a breeder who made this claim on her web-page along with a lengthy diatribe about the origins and benefits of dry-mouthed dogs. As you can see, it must be a recessive genetic trait, because it sure isn’t expressed in this little goober factory of a Newf.

A "dry-mouthed" Newf

Peter Maniate has been writing columns for the Newf News, the magazine of the Newfoundland Dog Club of Canada, since 1979.  In 1996 he started writing a Newfoundland dog column in the Breedlines section of Dogs in Canada magazine on behalf of the Newfoundland Dog Club of Canada.  When Dogs in Canada ceased publication at the end of 2011 he continued the Breedlines column in the Newf Newfs.

Permission is granted for re-publication of the preceding article or excerpts from it as long as the author is credited and the name of the original publication and date of first publication is included.

Newf News

November/December 2014